Growing a beard

I am growing my beard out and I am not really sure why.  I don't even know if I really like it or not.  What I do like however is getting to trim it down.  I always feel so fresh and new.  Like I have changed something dramatic in my life and trimming the beard was a visual representaion of that.  Each time I grow my beard and then trim it down, I feel as if it grows back faster and more full.  That each time it gets refined to a five o'clock shadow it comes back stronger and more full than ever before.  I am going to be 29 in a month and nothing in my life is certain.  I do not have a back up plan.  I feel like a full grown out beard ready for my trim.  I have been very distracted lately.  This leads to doubt and stress and worry which leads me to a place where I have been for the last couple of weeks.  God has been working through this with me.  Refining me, trimming me down I would say. I have been shown that my faith is strong when everything is easy but when it is hard I don't lean on him I lean on myself.  This makes me feel uncomfortable and I don't like it and want a change.  SO I am praying a lot more.  Taking my doubt and worry and all of my failures before God.  And what am I finding out?  That even though I feel totally in the dark, His hand is still leading me.  Where do I get this encouragement from?  His word. More than any job or opportunity I have that brings me stability. What I am finding sustains and brings me more peace and comfort than I have ever known is his word. His promises. His Son.  I want my faith to be strong because he is strong.  I want to endure because he endured.  I want my will to be his will because thats what he did.  All the things I depended on are so uncertain.  God is my hope and he is showing me through this time that he is never uncertain.  He has refined me yet again. To bring to life his faithfulness inside of me.  It has been hard.  It always is, but he has trimmed this beard down and I feel fresh and new.